Helping Kids Grow
Since it's the time of year that we all look at our yards, flower beds, and gardens and start comparing ourselves to our neighbors, I've been trying to decide how much work I really need to put in. Honestly, I'm the type of guy who will think hard about something initially, and then I'll put in some good work to get my spaces looking like I want them to look, and then—well, I just let them go and see what happens. I can stay interested for about a month, and I put in the flowers that automatically come back year after year, so I don't have to think as hard. It's really nice for a while.
But some people love their gardens. They're out there weeding, watering, planting flowers that keep slugs away, pruning, setting up nets and perimeters to protect the plants, and harvesting when the time is right. The care they give their gardens shows their level of commitment and love. It's proof that caring for their gardens is a priority for them.
As I was sitting in my youth small group last night, I was sort of amazed at how you can see the same type of investment in a kid's life too. (Now, this isn't a condemnation of parents whose kids are going through a lot, who feel daunted by the world, though some intentional time spent on cultivating those hearts would be a good thing.) No, this is just a personal reflection.
“By this, my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Abide in my love”
Do you know how there are those people with green thumbs who just seem to have a gift with their gardening and plant-loving skills? I've been listening to some of these kids in our youth group and reflecting on what I might be able to learn from their parents. What kinds of conversations must they have had along the way for their kids to be where they are? How intentional must they be in loving and setting up perimeters of protection for their kids?
Kids are, essentially, somebody's spiritual fruit. And where there's health and thriving, there's got to be some effort and prayer behind that. I appreciate kids that know the Lord at a young age, and those are great fruits. Maybe I appreciate that because that wasn't my experience.
It made me wonder where my kids might benefit from some pruning and cultivating.
Discipline and discipleship are two things that can feel daunting. It might seem like a mountain when you think of disciplining and teaching your children before you even have children. You could almost talk yourself out of having children. But I found when I did have my own kids, cultivating relationships with them felt natural. I cared so much about how my kids turned out that I was running toward these conversations, wanting to nurture them.
Some of us might read that last paragraph and think they've already missed the opportunity. They didn't do enough, and their kids' lives already look a little wild and overgrown or picked at by deer or local pests. Is it too late?
No. It's never too late to make an effort, to cultivate relationships with our kids. And though we have seasons where it's not really required, there are seasons when it needs to be prioritized. But here's where body life comes in.
Those of us who feel the weight of this priority and have wisdom and experience to offer, we can be a good influence and support. We can speak into the lives of our kids' friends. We can be part of the youth ministry. When I look back, on top of the time I spent with my kids, other guys in the church poured into my kids—how lucky am I that I have friends like Jeff Rybacki, Jeff Peper, Bob Andrighetti, and Nathan Hawes, who would do that? These men spent time with my kids, teaching and mentoring. There will always be a need for this. So many kids don't have parents who are available to them, and as the body, we can help out. Think of it as weeding and watering a neighbor's garden while they're away.
That's one of the reasons I enjoy helping in the youth ministry. I was sitting in our small group last night and thinking about how much I've changed over the years—as a dad and leader.
One thing that makes the most difference: LOVE. I don't think I understood my capacity to love as a father before. It's easy to see where love comes in in the caring and tender parts of parenting, and even in the teaching and explaining parts, the parts where we share with our kids why loving and following God is the center of everything. But discipline is hard. It hurts to give and receive, yet it's so necessary. It's the pruning part of parenting. And it absolutely has to be done with love. We care enough about our kids that we want the sinful influences, the things that mess them up or eat away at them, gone. And when we recognize that there's an area in our kids' own hearts that needs to uprooting so they can thrive, the loving thing is to point it out and help them get rid of it even if it hurts.
Talking about God the Father as the vinedresser and Himself as the true vine, Jesus said,
“Every branch in me that does not bear fruit, he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit”
Note: Cruel words and unloving actions toward our kids are like kicking at and stepping on plants, pulling them apart, or bruising them. And neglect is its own serious problem. This discipline and pruning are for the good and the health of the plant—or the person.
The truest and best discipline helps their hearts to grow. Hebrews 12: 2 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." The Lord disciplines those he loves (Heb 12:6a).
And the good news—the GREAT news—is that the Heavenly Father shows the same attention to detail and care to each of his children, even more tenderly and intentionally than a prize-winning gardener. He is willing to do whatever it takes, whenever, because He cares so much about how we turn out.
Let's join Him in tending to the hearts of these kids He's given us. Pray for the youth and children's ministries, and support the parents who want to spend time investing in their kids. Volunteer to teach the kids who join us in Kids' Zone on Sunday mornings, because that's a great way to be a blessing to your neighbor's garden. Be thankful for those parents (and grandparents!) who are willing to share their wealth of experience.
And in the meantime, remember that we invest in what matters the most to us. Let's spend time growing what matters.
